A couple of things...

I haven't blogged in awhile... But since I am up in the middle of the night and can't sleep... I might as well blog about a couple of things that just run through my mind.... For one, this whole insomnia thing? What the heck already.... If I try and take sleep aids, I hate how they make me feel the next day.. I feel like I can't even peel myself out of bed! And it is usually not an every night occurrence. But when it does decide to rear it's ugly head and keep me up all night, it is usually for a few days at least. I mean my eyes are tired, and here I sit yawning..... But try and lay down to go to sleep and I feel like I just want to jump out of my skin..sometimes a hot bubble bath in the middle of the night can relax me enough the first night to drift off... But after that forget it. It is almost like it gains it's own life and immunity to whatever worked the first night.... I have found lots of infomercials on... All kinds of weird products out there, from new sports looking bras that are supposed to be the perfect support.. To a torpedo looking hedge trimmer. And let's not forget the light-headed ball cap, for $10.99. It has little led lights on the bill, so you can see what you are doing..really? And even has their "light-headed" saying right in the front! Just so you know, those are what everyone is getting for Christmas! A couple nights, I have gotten my country girl on, and turned it to the country music channel....only at 3:30am it is frowned upon, by the rest of the family, to belt out Martina McBride songs when they come on..... Who knew?! I'm up..why NOT?! And the neighborhood raccoon and I have started our own freeze tag game!! Or maybe it is flashlight tag?! But he doesn't have a flashlight....anyway, He shuffles threw the back yard to the trash cans, I hear the lids, popping up and down, and throw open the door and shine my flashlight on him...and he freezes in position, like I can't see him! I think he enjoys it...and it gives me something to do as
well at 2am.. :o "LET FREEDOM RING....LET THE WHITE DOVE SINGGG.... LET THE WHOLE WORLD KNOW THAT TODAY, IS A DAY OF RECKONING!!! Sorry! Forgot y'all were still asleep... Just a little Martina for ya! :)

Moody..moody...moody...

Haven't blogged in a few days... I blame it on this dag blamed cough/cold, I just can't seem to get rid of... Over the last week..many many coughing fits, not to mention the unbelievable amounts of mucus, I am blowing out of my nose! I swear I don't think I have ever blown my nose so much. And the way I have been coughing, you would think, I have been a chain smoker all my life, which is NOT, the case. I have hardly ever touched cigarettes, now or in the past. Both my parents, when I as young were avid smokers, as many were in the 1970's. I however,hated it with a passion,I would find my parents cigarettes and um....dispose of them....which at the time to me meant a "search and destroy mission". Found them, and smashed them.... And threw them in the trash.

So for the past week, I sound sick, and get looks of course, when my coughing fits, make an appearance at any public place, I seem to go. So around Wednesday, I decided, I would try one of the leftover packets of prednisone, we had left in our medicine cabinet, in the hopes this would dry up the mucus. Instead, the coughing and nose blowing remain, however, there are new menacing problems... And not just menacing for me.. Most likely way more menacing for those around me... My poor family or any poor soul who has the misfortune
of ticking me off..... With the steroids have come headaches, and a very MOODY me.. Bump
me.. I get ill, take too long in line.... I get ill. I had a little ol lady in front of me in line at the Food Lion, she had a box of cereal, which she found a small hole in the bottem.... She had already taken WAY too long in line with her, 2.5 items.. She was on my list! She turns to me, shoves the box into my hands and says...and i quote "Go! Get me another box,AND, make sure it is the same" WHAT?! I held my tongue, after all, I couldn't let my wrath loose on the poor little old woman.. So I leave my cart, and stomp begrudgingly, to the cereal isle. Find her cereal, make sure I get the same size, and kind! Then trudge, mumbling to myself, under my breath, of how mad this has just made me, and how much longer, I was now in the store.. Ugggg.. Getting back to said little ole lady, I force a smile, and say " Here you go Mam". (this was hard in my current state of mind. To top it off, she then spends the next 3 minutes, digging in her purse for her rewards card! Just use mine... I must have said 4 times... This lady was pushing her luck.. Lol.. Finally! It was MY TURN! And then of course a 2 and 4 year old don't get it... Mommy doesn't feel good... I don't want someone constantly on my lap, or climbing on me... AND the noise! They seem to be way more
rambunctious this weekend... My normal voice this weekend has become a high pitched yell... Stop... Quit..don't throw that..don't hit, each other....and SHARE! This weekend it just seems as everything is 10x more annoying than normal..... And of course, still coughing...yay!
My husband has been very helpful, trying to keep the boys at a low rumble.. I have 2 more days of the steroid regimen left..... Wish them luck... Lol

Phlegm and the working mother........

Ah....the cold saga. Continues... I haven't had a fever... A little bit of a sore throat..usually at night.. But the phlegm...or really let's just call it what it is SNOT! Seriously..when I was little I heard from someone...I can't remember if it was my parents, or who it was... But.. I was told mucus was made by brain cells, that were dead or dying, that your body is expelling. Well let me tell you if that were the truth, as long as I have had this I would be legally brain dead! My nose literally hurts from the impacted boogers and crap in it... I have used decongestants, expectorants, nasal sprays...trying upon time and again to get it out. Short of trying the Nettie Pot, that everyone has suggested, which if you ask me, is just water boarding yourself! So not up to that just yet.. I may get that desperate! And being a mom to a 2 and 4 year old while sick, is no walk in the park either. I am the type of person, that when I am sick, I want to be alone! Asleep, cuddled up, with the my most favorite pillow, and blanket. Kids don't seem to understand that concept. In there mind it is play time...and if mom is laying down, HOW FUN would it be to make HER, our personal jungle gym?! Not one thing is relaxing about that.. It would be perfect if they would lay down and cuddle with me! No such luck. Not to mention the MOMMY..MOMMY MOMMY... Can you get me juice....Mommy I can'tfind my favorite car.. Mommy! Come see.... And it rings and rings in your ears....MOMMY..MOMMY.. Even when you do get to sleep... You hear it in your dreams.. And wake up thinking they are yelling for you. You jump up... HUH WHAT....WHO IS YELLING?! Work doesn't stop when you are sick either... There is laundry.. My extra money job of cleaning the office of my full time job, waits for no one... It has to be done.... Not something you want to conquer with a head that feels the size of a good year balloon... But it was done... As well as Monday always happens, even when you are sick! What is up with that anyway? No fair.. I cry foul... When you are sick..especially when you are a mom.. Time should stop.. And you get your feel better time.. All else waits! But alas that is but a dream....see y'all at work tomorrow....coughing, hacking, blowing my nose and all.. Nit nite.. Until on of the kids wakes up tonight and needs me.....sigh.......

A couple days off....

Took a couple days off..  I know ... I know.. only been doing this for a week.. and already skipped 2 days.. but I had an excuse...  I did turn "40"..  so I had to right??!!   My best friends for over 20 years, Chrissy, Shelley and Gina, threw me a wonderful birthday party!!  Complete with "old" person jokes posted everywhere..  which I think we all used at each others 30th birthdays.. how ironic..  we thought THAT was old!!   And so wonderful that we are all still friends!!  Through thick and thin!!   Rebecca Cooper made the most beautiful birthday cake for me..  I am just amazed at her talent.. AND she says she is not an artist...  if she is not..I don't know who is!!  I am thankful for the friends who attended that I have reconnected with through Facebook..  what a great tool!!  Mary Ann, Tami, and Carol!    Thank you everyone for coming .. all the food, presents, wine, and fun girl friend time!!!

So 40, doesn't feel like 40....  I still feel like I am in my 20's.. mentally.. maybe not physically..  I get more tired than I used to.... going out for the night doesn't begin at 10pm or 11pm anymore, and end at 3am... I will be lucky if I make it to 10pm.... :)  All-nighters now "might" happen, maybe once a year??!!!   Sleep is WAY too important! Especially with 2 Toddlers...  There IS something to be said for having kids early!! WOW.. who knew!    I didn't have our first, until I was a little over 35.. so now he is going on 5.. I am 40.. and not energetic enough to keep up with him!! Or his brother, who will be 3 next month!  At least they have each other to entertain one another...   I was an only child... so everything was MINE.. I didn't have to share.. I didn't have the sibling fights..  So even though, when I was young, I thought it was a bummer,  NOT  to have brothers and sisters to play with, I can now see the advantage...   My youngest, Landon, is his brother Dayton's shadow...  when one has something, the other one wants it.. and then the arguments, crying or tug-a-war begins... We found last Christmas, just buy 2 of everything!  Makes life easier on the grown-ups in the house!!  !  The Testosterone does out weigh the Estrogen here..  the ONLY one I have on the female side, is our Great Dane, Eydie!!  Luckily, my boys do have a mom, who enjoys watching sports, and loves a Classic Sports Car...  or just cars in general... Always have had an obsession with them, my friends  used to always make fun of me!  I knew way too much about cars, for a teenage girl, makes, models, and all the specifics (still do).   I almost can't wait for my boys to get old enough to get their "first" car!!  They are gonna get something hot, and sporty,  that mom will want to take for a spin as well!!  And maybe one day, although I love my Suburban, I will get to have a "fun" car again!!!  And everyone always asks..  "When are you going to try for a girl??!!"  .. You are kidding right??!!  Even though I would love to have a little girl.. I dearly LOVE the 2 boys I have.. and there will be NO third..  In my opinion, the children, can't out number the adults..  I fear a mutiny!  AND plus we do kind of have 3 kids already, if you count my husband..LOL  haha  or he would say, if you count ME, I am sure!  So we are GOOD!    I admire all those that can handle 3, 4 and even 5 kids.. I have no idea how they do it!  Just having 2 makes me totally mental sometimes...   I guess that may be the "only child" syndrome..   I like my "alone" time..  I need some quiet time.. And what is MINE Is mine..   "Don't touch it!!!".. LOL..  Is it wrong to fight with a 4 year old on whose turn it is to play Mario Kart on the Wii???  Um.. yea probably.. prolly not the best parent.. but I try...    I am impatient, sometimes yell too much, quick to anger, but I do love love love them.   And I am working on it..

The whole nother Blog......

Hmmmmm  .. I will start out by giving a little background information...  In 1995, Super Bowl Evening.. coming home from a Super Bowl Party.. (I was NOT driving)... it was cold.. kinda rainy that night... we came over the overpass, the Hwy 54/Chapel Hill Road overpass, that crosses over 40.   When the Ford Explorer we were in, got about 1/2 way over...  the sliding started..  I don't remember much.. the sound of the driver screaming "HOLD ON!"  and me doing it, rings in my head!   By all accounts and pictures.. the Explorer slid, struck the median, and flipped side over side, several times.. ending on other side of the highway against the guard rail...  In one of its flips, I crashed out of the passenger window...  thrown from the car onto Highway 54 into the path of cars...  Which by this time of night there were only 2, so I am told.. one was a Doctor who stopped...  I wasn't awake, I don't remember any of it.. I woke in the hospital,  VERY VERY upset.. I was in ALOT of pain.. and someone in that Emergency Room had CUT my miracle bra!!!  A brand new one!!!  Sheesh!  Funny now but at the time.. I had no idea what was going on.. other than,  I was strapped to a board and told to hold still..   I would not.. so out they put me out...  for the best most likely!.. The extent of my injuries:  included: 2 skull fractures, a broken back w/compression of 2 vertebrae (starting at L1),  No spinal cord damage luckily.  

Now that said it has been 15 years...
I have started out taking Percocet and Darvocet together.. depending on how bad the pain was.. I had migraines..  intense pain.. and had to wear a horrible looking brace that went from my hips up to my under arms, for months...  I dropped down on the Percs...  and ended up only taking the Darvocet...  my Dr.. who had been my Dr, since Jr High and way BEFORE the accident..  So she knows me..  I am NOT a new patient...  she has sent me here and there for pain management, physical therapy..  we have been there, DONE that..   so recently my medication that I have been just fine with.. refill every month.. don't ask her for more and more and more.. I take it when I need it... has been taken off the Market.  So she sends me this letter that "IF" I still needed pain medication to come into the office and we would "discuss" my options..  um.... wait! back up..  IF I still need them?!  Discuss?!   This can't be good..  you see my Dr.. is an anti-narcotic pain reliever type of Dr., and even though she has been prescribing the Darvocet, she has always wanted me to try something else on a more permanent basis..  I have tried HER way, we tried anti-inflamitories, steroidals, muscle relaxers, exercise to "strengthen my core" (whatever)...   but we have been down that road..  where did it lead.. no relief.. and MORE pain, thank you.. so, no thanks..      So I call.. I am completely out of my meds.. she can't see me for a week!  OK..  my only option ..wait.. so I make an appt..  go almost a week without any pain meds..  I go into the office ready for the showdown...
I sit and wait..  I keep telling myself.. don't back down.. don't back down..  she comes in... her usual smug smile.. " how R U".. me ~ "uh not so hot"...   her ~ "oh yea.. I guess being out of your meds hasn't been pleasant"     .. Um YOU THINK??!!   Anyway..  I had a list of EVERYthing we had tried.. all the meds she had put me on before..  I might as well eat a package of sugar..  they did nothing..  She is pretty surprised I have an extensive list..  and have done some research... I know which meds are which.. and which are part of the categories I do NOT want...   she keeps saying the type of meds like Darvocet shouldn't be used long term..  LONG TERM.. really??  what do you call 15 years??!!  Which is exactly what I asked.. she said well.. I look at this as an opportunity to try other things.. UM.. lets see.. I DON'T..  I want to NOT be in pain.. not play spin the wheel of meds.    She proceeds to tell me..  "everyone has some degree of pain"...  really??!!   That may be true... but does everyone have discs that rub and HURT and make it so you don't want to move??!  She had no response... just to repeat the same..  "those kinds of pain meds are not a long term solution... and you are young, they are addictive and habit forming.. you will need more and more"... ok lets see...  15 years..monthly refill..   hmmmmmm so far haven't needed more and more.. NOT even when I was pregnant.  So what is your nest arguement??!!    We continued and continued with the banter for an hour.. well over her normal ..  15 minute, how are you.. here's your scrips..   She was mad and I was even more so..  I was not leaving there without help with this pain...    Until finally I blew up.. when she kept on with the "long term solution" talk..  I spouted out...  "The only long term solution would be for YOU to REMOVE my SPINE and give me a new one!!... Can YOU??!!"   "NO!"   ..  we both settled..  you could hear the wind outside it was so quiet..   she finally broke the silence..  "I am not saying I am not going to give you those kinds of meds..  that is not what I mean"   (really??!!)   she continued ": are there a couple days in the next month you will just try something else??"   " Yes " I responded... and " If I DO try.. will YOU listen to me if and when you trial does NOT work???!!"   she agreed.. a compromise..   Finally...  she broke..  she didn't give me exactly what I wanted.. but it is a start...  and she also gave me some of her meds she wanted me to try a couple days..   I will give them a try..  even though I know for those days.. I will be miserable...  but they will be tried.. just so I can prove to her, that my pain is real.. it is not my imagination..and I need to be pain free... for my job.. my family and my sanity...  so this was a serious one.. but one that I wanted to do because it has been a constant battle with her over the years.. and maybe just maybe this time.. she knows I am not backing down.......    Now time to clean.. so at 12:01 tonight.. I can officially be OLD..   AHHHHH   and that is a whole NOTHER blog as well!!   hee hee...

A Few Things Learned....

I guess you should always try and find the good in everything... and the things I have learned today... I am not sure.. if there is much good in them.. but maybe the good is what I don't like or should avoid... I have learned that Gas Station Sandwiches from Sheetz (those premade kind) DO NOT agree with my stomach....  It looked good...  an italian sub on ciabatta bread, with some kind of chipotle sauce on it..  well the sauce was too spicy.. so I ended up scrapping off what I could of that...  otherwise the sandwich was..  um.. edible...  not great.. but not horrible..  well until.. the grumble... ahhh the grumble..    not a sound  you want to hear when not in the comforts of home..... I call it "The Alien", or my "Little Friend" that I acquired in Cancun from drinking the Mexican water.. when I was warned NOT too..  (sometime others do know what they are taking about I guess.... )   AND to top it off.. here in our office.. we have "Tenants", a Company who is doing a database for us.. They occupy a few of the offices adjacent to the bathrooms... well they have decided to created a little sort of living room there... IN FRONT of the 4 bathrooms??!!!   So they sit on the couches and chairs.. laid back with their laptops.. or occasionally pull out a guitar and strum a few .. UM WHAT the??!!!   Really??!!  I know the men of the office don't care.. but being that I am one of the only TWO women who work here.. we are NOT amused...I can Not go the the "Ladies" room with a bunch of people just sitting practically outside the door, tapping away on their computers, pretending they are doing something of value.. or singing "Com By Ya" to each other...... That is one thing I have learned.. or is that 2 now..  Just say NO to pre-made gas station sandwich's.... AND I don't want to have an AUDIENCE when I go to the restroom..  guess that is 2...  :)   Another thing..  COLD is NOT my thing.. although neither is being too hot..  being too hot makes me crankier than cranky...  Cold doesn't make me cranky...  cold just makes me.. WELL..  COLD!  While I was at Sheetz picking out said sandwich above...  I needed gas...  so I prepaid.. went back to my car to put the gas in..  GUSTs of tornadic winds came from around the pump.. my fingers nearly froze off..  I glanced at the pump.. faster.. MOVE faster! and of course to add insult.. my pump's automatic pumper do-dad was broken..... :(  sigh.. so out in the cold I was...

Now I sit here finally at home..  in the heat! YEAH!  (I saw sit.. but it is more like being a human jungle gym for my 2 and 4 year old... )  After being at the doctors office bickering with her, about what replacement pain medication I needed...since my Darvocet is off the market now...  but that is a whole nother blog.. that maybe I will attack later..   Wine TIME... :)

First Attempt......

I have never done this before but thought it might be somewhat theraputic for me, to express my feelings, thoughts, with friends...    I have always been much better at writing things down.  The probability of me telling you something that is bothering me... unless I am at the brink of absolute anger, are pretty much non-existant...  To know me . some would say is to NOT really know me....    Sure everyone knows the basics.. I love coffee... horses...  blah blah.. but very few.. VERY few know ME.....    I am thinking this will help me know myself..  and to let others know me better.....    I have never been an open book...  somehow that just never seemed comfortable to me....   I put on the "act" well...  I was in a Sorority in College... was a Cheerleader at ECU.. and always wanted to be part of the parties and whatever was going on in High School...   I guess that is why when I first got out of college.. I got more into a Sales career than anything else.. it was more of what I was used to .. pretending...  don't get me wrong.. I am friendly...  I LIKE people.. for the most part.. LOL....   but being in sales meant having a personna...  that wasn't really you.. you were acting the part....  that was comfortable for awhile.. but there were so many things..  that were not comforting about that kind of sales I was doing back then...  it seemed shallow..  like not telling the complete truth.. just to get someone to buy.. to meet a quota.. or get that top sales award...  it began to bore me... I was competitive and wanted to be at the top.. but didn't like some of the things you needed to get there...  I consider myself honest, trustworthy... and if you are my friend.. you are for life.. and I would do anything for you... no exceptions...  and usually even those that prove they not worthy of my loyalty.. usually at least get a second chance..  but not much past that...  ok maybe a third... if you catch me on a good day....  Most would consider me quiet.. sometimes shy.. or take my being quiet for being standoffish.. I have been told that before...  not anything intentional, on my part.. I have just never been good at small talk..  don't know why.. that gene was just left out.. unless of course..  I have my medicenes...  there are times .. I can small talk with the best of em.. wish it was all the time.. but cest la vie... I wasn't born that way...  I have to be made that way...   So Caffeine wakes me up.. keeps me up.. prozac makes me NOT a basket case, and becoming over emotional (sometimes that doesn't work LOL ), Adderall, to help me focus.. especially at work... my mind wanders.. I need to stay on task.. I like the feeling of awakeness it gives me, and a feeling of togetherness if that makes sense.. organization...  like caffeine.. alert...   I also have my pain meds that are a changin...  due to the recent changes in the FDA, they no longer think Darvocet is accecptable for people to take even though I have with no problems for over 15 years...  anyway...   So that is the nut .. in a nutshell...  this is just what came to me as a why to write .. and about me kind of thing...  hope I didn't jump around or seem scattered..   just letting the thoughts come.. :)   I am hoping this will be an outlet.. and a factor of amuzement for those who enjoy my sometimes strange sense of humor.. :)   Enjoy ALL!!  Tomorrow is another day!