First Attempt......

I have never done this before but thought it might be somewhat theraputic for me, to express my feelings, thoughts, with friends...    I have always been much better at writing things down.  The probability of me telling you something that is bothering me... unless I am at the brink of absolute anger, are pretty much non-existant...  To know me . some would say is to NOT really know me....    Sure everyone knows the basics.. I love coffee... horses...  blah blah.. but very few.. VERY few know ME.....    I am thinking this will help me know myself..  and to let others know me better.....    I have never been an open book...  somehow that just never seemed comfortable to me....   I put on the "act" well...  I was in a Sorority in College... was a Cheerleader at ECU.. and always wanted to be part of the parties and whatever was going on in High School...   I guess that is why when I first got out of college.. I got more into a Sales career than anything else.. it was more of what I was used to .. pretending...  don't get me wrong.. I am friendly...  I LIKE people.. for the most part.. LOL....   but being in sales meant having a personna...  that wasn't really you.. you were acting the part....  that was comfortable for awhile.. but there were so many things..  that were not comforting about that kind of sales I was doing back then...  it seemed shallow..  like not telling the complete truth.. just to get someone to buy.. to meet a quota.. or get that top sales award...  it began to bore me... I was competitive and wanted to be at the top.. but didn't like some of the things you needed to get there...  I consider myself honest, trustworthy... and if you are my friend.. you are for life.. and I would do anything for you... no exceptions...  and usually even those that prove they not worthy of my loyalty.. usually at least get a second chance..  but not much past that...  ok maybe a third... if you catch me on a good day....  Most would consider me quiet.. sometimes shy.. or take my being quiet for being standoffish.. I have been told that before...  not anything intentional, on my part.. I have just never been good at small talk..  don't know why.. that gene was just left out.. unless of course..  I have my medicenes...  there are times .. I can small talk with the best of em.. wish it was all the time.. but cest la vie... I wasn't born that way...  I have to be made that way...   So Caffeine wakes me up.. keeps me up.. prozac makes me NOT a basket case, and becoming over emotional (sometimes that doesn't work LOL ), Adderall, to help me focus.. especially at work... my mind wanders.. I need to stay on task.. I like the feeling of awakeness it gives me, and a feeling of togetherness if that makes sense.. organization...  like caffeine.. alert...   I also have my pain meds that are a changin...  due to the recent changes in the FDA, they no longer think Darvocet is accecptable for people to take even though I have with no problems for over 15 years...  anyway...   So that is the nut .. in a nutshell...  this is just what came to me as a why to write .. and about me kind of thing...  hope I didn't jump around or seem scattered..   just letting the thoughts come.. :)   I am hoping this will be an outlet.. and a factor of amuzement for those who enjoy my sometimes strange sense of humor.. :)   Enjoy ALL!!  Tomorrow is another day!