The whole nother Blog......

Hmmmmm  .. I will start out by giving a little background information...  In 1995, Super Bowl Evening.. coming home from a Super Bowl Party.. (I was NOT driving)... it was cold.. kinda rainy that night... we came over the overpass, the Hwy 54/Chapel Hill Road overpass, that crosses over 40.   When the Ford Explorer we were in, got about 1/2 way over...  the sliding started..  I don't remember much.. the sound of the driver screaming "HOLD ON!"  and me doing it, rings in my head!   By all accounts and pictures.. the Explorer slid, struck the median, and flipped side over side, several times.. ending on other side of the highway against the guard rail...  In one of its flips, I crashed out of the passenger window...  thrown from the car onto Highway 54 into the path of cars...  Which by this time of night there were only 2, so I am told.. one was a Doctor who stopped...  I wasn't awake, I don't remember any of it.. I woke in the hospital,  VERY VERY upset.. I was in ALOT of pain.. and someone in that Emergency Room had CUT my miracle bra!!!  A brand new one!!!  Sheesh!  Funny now but at the time.. I had no idea what was going on.. other than,  I was strapped to a board and told to hold still..   I would not.. so out they put me out...  for the best most likely!.. The extent of my injuries:  included: 2 skull fractures, a broken back w/compression of 2 vertebrae (starting at L1),  No spinal cord damage luckily.  

Now that said it has been 15 years...
I have started out taking Percocet and Darvocet together.. depending on how bad the pain was.. I had migraines..  intense pain.. and had to wear a horrible looking brace that went from my hips up to my under arms, for months...  I dropped down on the Percs...  and ended up only taking the Darvocet...  my Dr.. who had been my Dr, since Jr High and way BEFORE the accident..  So she knows me..  I am NOT a new patient...  she has sent me here and there for pain management, physical therapy..  we have been there, DONE that..   so recently my medication that I have been just fine with.. refill every month.. don't ask her for more and more and more.. I take it when I need it... has been taken off the Market.  So she sends me this letter that "IF" I still needed pain medication to come into the office and we would "discuss" my options..  um.... wait! back up..  IF I still need them?!  Discuss?!   This can't be good..  you see my Dr.. is an anti-narcotic pain reliever type of Dr., and even though she has been prescribing the Darvocet, she has always wanted me to try something else on a more permanent basis..  I have tried HER way, we tried anti-inflamitories, steroidals, muscle relaxers, exercise to "strengthen my core" (whatever)...   but we have been down that road..  where did it lead.. no relief.. and MORE pain, thank you.. so, no thanks..      So I call.. I am completely out of my meds.. she can't see me for a week!  OK..  my only option ..wait.. so I make an appt..  go almost a week without any pain meds..  I go into the office ready for the showdown...
I sit and wait..  I keep telling myself.. don't back down.. don't back down..  she comes in... her usual smug smile.. " how R U".. me ~ "uh not so hot"...   her ~ "oh yea.. I guess being out of your meds hasn't been pleasant"     .. Um YOU THINK??!!   Anyway..  I had a list of EVERYthing we had tried.. all the meds she had put me on before..  I might as well eat a package of sugar..  they did nothing..  She is pretty surprised I have an extensive list..  and have done some research... I know which meds are which.. and which are part of the categories I do NOT want...   she keeps saying the type of meds like Darvocet shouldn't be used long term..  LONG TERM.. really??  what do you call 15 years??!!  Which is exactly what I asked.. she said well.. I look at this as an opportunity to try other things.. UM.. lets see.. I DON'T..  I want to NOT be in pain.. not play spin the wheel of meds.    She proceeds to tell me..  "everyone has some degree of pain"...  really??!!   That may be true... but does everyone have discs that rub and HURT and make it so you don't want to move??!  She had no response... just to repeat the same..  "those kinds of pain meds are not a long term solution... and you are young, they are addictive and habit forming.. you will need more and more"... ok lets see...  15 years..monthly refill..   hmmmmmm so far haven't needed more and more.. NOT even when I was pregnant.  So what is your nest arguement??!!    We continued and continued with the banter for an hour.. well over her normal ..  15 minute, how are you.. here's your scrips..   She was mad and I was even more so..  I was not leaving there without help with this pain...    Until finally I blew up.. when she kept on with the "long term solution" talk..  I spouted out...  "The only long term solution would be for YOU to REMOVE my SPINE and give me a new one!!... Can YOU??!!"   "NO!"   ..  we both settled..  you could hear the wind outside it was so quiet..   she finally broke the silence..  "I am not saying I am not going to give you those kinds of meds..  that is not what I mean"   (really??!!)   she continued ": are there a couple days in the next month you will just try something else??"   " Yes " I responded... and " If I DO try.. will YOU listen to me if and when you trial does NOT work???!!"   she agreed.. a compromise..   Finally...  she broke..  she didn't give me exactly what I wanted.. but it is a start...  and she also gave me some of her meds she wanted me to try a couple days..   I will give them a try..  even though I know for those days.. I will be miserable...  but they will be tried.. just so I can prove to her, that my pain is real.. it is not my imagination..and I need to be pain free... for my job.. my family and my sanity...  so this was a serious one.. but one that I wanted to do because it has been a constant battle with her over the years.. and maybe just maybe this time.. she knows I am not backing down.......    Now time to clean.. so at 12:01 tonight.. I can officially be OLD..   AHHHHH   and that is a whole NOTHER blog as well!!   hee hee...